is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
