i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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