My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
did i just pee glitter
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
