My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Even my vagina gasped.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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