In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
