we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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