it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
