you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
