i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
