Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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