It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A bitchslap is in order.
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