I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
