I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
