Do you still have your period?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
