I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
