shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
