That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
