batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Enjoy the penises
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
