Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
