i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
