Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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