weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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