So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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