if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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