she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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