please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
