You know, be my cock's hype man.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
