I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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