hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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