I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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