You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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