what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
