I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize