I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
