I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize