My liver just broke up with me...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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