Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
