I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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