People in love make me want to vomit
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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