Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
