You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
