my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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