3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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