is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
