sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
