Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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