Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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