yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
