i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
