Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
