This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
