im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
