Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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