Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
