I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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