hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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