Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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