Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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