So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
