Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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