i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
