maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
