So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
