I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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