dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
