Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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