You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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