seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
