I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
