Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just invented taco cereal.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
