Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
that may or may not have been my penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
