i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
