I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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