Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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