I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
