oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
