Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
