I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
